Quiet Danger

I cannot get enough salt.  I couldn't be angrier.  I just want to crawl into a hole with a salt lick and be left alone because right now,me and people just aren't getting along.

I haven't had PMS while stressed in quite some time.  At least not that I noticed but last week was spent in a slightly stressed state and I had great difficulty coping and less patience than usual.  I had lunch with my Grandma yesterday and could hardly stand her...that's when it dawned on me that perhaps it was not only incompetent and/or useless people that were making me feel psychotic. It was good ol' Aunt Flo.

That's such a stupid name.  If I had a real aunt who made me as angry as Aunt Flo does I wouldn't talk to her or even send her a Christmas card.  I would pretend she doesn't exist.  Unfortunately one can't pretend Aunt Flo doesn't exist.  That bitch is unreal.  Saturday she made me get up and walk away from friends of mine.  I was irrationally annoyed with them.

Were they chewing with their mouths open?  No.  Were they singing Celine Dion songs?  No.  Spitting? Nope.  Actually, they had the gall to talk about working out.  In front of me.  I know, right?

Seriously, I found myself becoming highly irritated.  I left and bought a cup of coffee.  We were watching our sons play ball.  They are both avid exercisers and were discussing CrossFit, the newest trend and something I think I'd like to try.  I used to work out too and wish I had the discipline and drive that either of these girls do when it comes to fitness.  And I think that's where Aunt Flo stepped in on Saturday.  That bitch knows I feel guilty for not exercising anymore and slightly guiltier for not feeling as badly as I should about it and slightly jealous of their dedication and stomachs flatter than mine.  She took all that intimate knowledge and used it to fuel an irrational fire.

I feel it's only fair to tell you that I just took a short writing break to go and find my purse because I remembered I have half a bag of Swedish Berries in there.  So yes, I wish I had a flat stomach but hold for the Berries.  Aunt Flo also demanded I inhale a bag of Doritos on the way to Saskatoon the other night.  I bought them at a gas station and just about finished the bag off before I got to the coffee shop.  For my Moose Jaw friends, this would be the Superstore gas station and Tim Horton's.  They are on the same stretch of road and less than five minutes apart.  As a rule, I don't choose chips.  On Saturday though, nothing was going to come between me and a bag of Zesty Cheese Doritos.

Cut to yesterday:  I ate a giant cinnamon bun for breakfast because I was staying at my mom's and she bought it for me.  It was good.  I went for lunch with Grandma, as previously stated.  She is the queen of buffets and so we went to a buffet that served Asian & 'Canadian' food.  I didn't even sit down at the table when we got there.  Granted I ate the bun before 6:30 a.m. and it was noon.  I was starving.  I started with a bowl of won ton soup, then ate perogies, sushi, chicken balls and a hard boiled egg.  This was followed by a piece of lemon meringue pie.

Yes, I'm sure I'm not pregnant.

On the drive home I was beyond exhausted as my mother's hormones dictate her home be kept at freezer-like temperatures and although I do like the room I sleep in to be cool, I like to be warm.  Like with blankets.  Instead I slept in pajamas, socks and a fleece hoodie and was still cold.  So not the best sleep.  Then I dealt with the public all morning.  Actually the 'public' was fine but other things tried my temper and patience.  Point being, I stopped halfway home to fuel up and decided the best choice of afternoon snack would be an English Toffee Cappuccino, a bag of chocolate covered pretzels and the aforementioned sack of Swedish berries.  I didn't eat it all but seriously?

This morning it was warm and sunny before 9 a.m.  This temporarily brightened my mood.  Then within an hour it had clouded over.  This made me inexplicably angry.  I contemplated writing a post about how I am considering returning to work full time because the only summers I have not worked full time, it is shitty out.  The first one was 2004 when our son Reese was born.  Mat leave all summer.  One of the coldest crappiest summers in the history. of. the. world.  I swear.  Last summer, I was off while the Fucknut Factory decided what to do with my blogging ass, and again, not great.  And here we are in 2011.  I work from home so have the freedom to enjoy some weather.  And where is it?  In the fucking toilet.  Although it is sunny out again now.  It's supposed to rain for the next two days though.  Of course.

I don't want to talk to anybody.  Normally when in a bad mood I would phone 'Stacey'. However, I fear this is less than a good idea.  I snapped at who I thought was my sister-in-law's husband on Saturday via text. I like him.  A lot.  I like my sister-in-law a lot too and felt super great when I found out it was her I spoke to like a woman possessed (translation: bitch). So to save a friendship, I will keep to myself today.

And that friends, is when it gets dangerous.  People are used to be voicing my opinion often and loudly.  When I get quiet is when they do and should start to worry. 

And right now, I'm very quiet.

Losing My Edge

So as much as I purport to have quite a 'mean streak', if you will, lately I have been losing my edge.  Hormones are to blame.  For example, the other day I was running somewhat late on my way to work and so I inadvertently cut off a woman on my commute.  I honestly thought I had time and the room to pass her.  I did not.  She expressed her displeasure a number of times.  When I caught her face in the side mirror I apologized to which she responded with a raised middle finger.  I again said I was sorry but her finger remained raised.  I then responded in kind. I continued on my way to work and watched as this car followed me.  As my husband had been followed by a road raging lunatic the previous Monday I hoped the same wasn't happening to me.  The exception being she was justified in her anger.  Which only made it worse if she was following me.

Guess what?  She is actually one of my new co-workers.  Isn't that super?!

I parked a few cars away from her and high-tailed it into the building.  Trying to look un-bothered as I sped walked.

Then she accosted me once inside. She advised it would be wiser and safer for me to have more patience on the road.  She was pissed.  I apologized.  She wasn't having any of it.  We went our separate ways.

However I could not shake it.  This is a new job.  This is not the first impression I was hoping to make.  I had visions of her spreading the word about the new dumb ass bad driver stupid bitch at work.

So I waited until my co-worker was busy and phoned said woman to attempt damage control.  I was more than worried. So I called and made a more sincere apology and offered to buy said woman a cup of coffee.  She assured me we were "good" now and the coffee would not be necessary.  So I hung up, feeling marginally better, and here it is, practically bawling.

Gah!

I watched as my co-worker returned and 101 explanations and excuses raced through my mind as how I would justify my big watery eyes and red nose. 

I know, loser.

Luckily I gained composure quickly and she was otherwise occupied so I did not have to explain anything.

Were the oh-so-special-est time of the month of all not approaching?  I likely would have had the same concerns but a) would have kept the tears at bay and b) likely would've been more angry with her initial rejection of my apology.

Instead I was a a giant pussy.

No pun intended.

And tonight I teared up watching America's Funniest Home Videos. Again.  These people surprised their little boy with a trip to Disneyland.  Too much for my hormonal ass to cope with, apparently.

Sigh. This sucks.

I much prefer angry me.  Sad me is pathetic.  Pathetic, bloated and full of chips.

Did I mention attractive?