Sunday, September 19, 2010

Losing My Edge

So as much as I purport to have quite a 'mean streak', if you will, lately I have been losing my edge.  Hormones are to blame.  For example, the other day I was running somewhat late on my way to work and so I inadvertently cut off a woman on my commute.  I honestly thought I had time and the room to pass her.  I did not.  She expressed her displeasure a number of times.  When I caught her face in the side mirror I apologized to which she responded with a raised middle finger.  I again said I was sorry but her finger remained raised.  I then responded in kind. I continued on my way to work and watched as this car followed me.  As my husband had been followed by a road raging lunatic the previous Monday I hoped the same wasn't happening to me.  The exception being she was justified in her anger.  Which only made it worse if she was following me.

Guess what?  She is actually one of my new co-workers.  Isn't that super?!

I parked a few cars away from her and high-tailed it into the building.  Trying to look un-bothered as I sped walked.

Then she accosted me once inside. She advised it would be wiser and safer for me to have more patience on the road.  She was pissed.  I apologized.  She wasn't having any of it.  We went our separate ways.

However I could not shake it.  This is a new job.  This is not the first impression I was hoping to make.  I had visions of her spreading the word about the new dumb ass bad driver stupid bitch at work.

So I waited until my co-worker was busy and phoned said woman to attempt damage control.  I was more than worried. So I called and made a more sincere apology and offered to buy said woman a cup of coffee.  She assured me we were "good" now and the coffee would not be necessary.  So I hung up, feeling marginally better, and here it is, practically bawling.


I watched as my co-worker returned and 101 explanations and excuses raced through my mind as how I would justify my big watery eyes and red nose. 

I know, loser.

Luckily I gained composure quickly and she was otherwise occupied so I did not have to explain anything.

Were the oh-so-special-est time of the month of all not approaching?  I likely would have had the same concerns but a) would have kept the tears at bay and b) likely would've been more angry with her initial rejection of my apology.

Instead I was a a giant pussy.

No pun intended.

And tonight I teared up watching America's Funniest Home Videos. Again.  These people surprised their little boy with a trip to Disneyland.  Too much for my hormonal ass to cope with, apparently.

Sigh. This sucks.

I much prefer angry me.  Sad me is pathetic.  Pathetic, bloated and full of chips.

Did I mention attractive?