Sometimes I think it would just be better if there was a place I could go when I am PMSing. A place where the accepted wardrobe is a mu mu. A place where both sweet and salty snacks were at the ready. A place without judgement, a place without husbands and children. Don't get me wrong, I'm merely thinking of them. This last bout was particularly rough and I am not meant to parent in an appropriate fashion while bloated up like Elvis in his last days but with the demeanor of Attila the Hun.
Patience is limited in my world at the best of times but throw some raging hormones into the mix and it gets downright ugly. My son fell asleep on the couch the other night. My husband took him to bed and then when I went to say good night to him he was awake and adamant that he brush his teeth. Instead of being pleased with his desire to practise good personal hygiene despite utter exhaustion, I practically threw a tantrum. I just wanted him to go to sleep. So finally I barked: "Fine, go brush your teeth!" in a manner one might tell their child to have another cookie or stay up an extra 15 minutes.
Did I mention I become entirely irrational as well?
And this time around I was treated to a level of bloating previously unmatched. Even my stretchy pants were uncomfortable. Granted they were my 'dressy' stretch pants and not my actual sweat pants but good Lord. It was too much. I literally could have passed as a good five months pregnant yesterday. So off I went to parent teacher interviews in elastic waisted pants and a sweatshirt. Thank God my children are good students and so, I hope, I can get away with a little more. Jeans or any pants that had an actual button and fly were out of the question. Not unless I wanted to be in pain the entire time and resemble link sausage.
Joy of joy though, I found peanut butter cups in my van two mornings ago. I snuck them into the house with my three year old seeing and squirreled them away into a cupboard and snacked on them through the day. The same evening I ate a Snickers bar and half a KitKat. Yesterday I had a Skor latte and four Fudgee-Os.
I will not be weighing myself until sometime in the middle of next week and hopefully a good bout of the stomach flu.
Every month brings something different. Mother Nature is sweet in that way. Never wanting us, or me anyway, to get bored or be prepared for the onslaught of physical and emotional discomforts coming our way for a good week of every month. I know my family appreciates it as well.
For now though, it's off to the showers I go and then hopefully, fingers crossed, into a pair of honest to goodness pants. Is there enough stretch? We shall see.