Friday, July 8, 2011

Tankini Abuse

Last week I combined all the experiences Mother Nature has to offer.  Camping while PMSing.  Is there anything more magical?

Actually, yes.

Let us first focus on the positive.  Camping, in our world, means eating a lot of not-good-for-you food.  Not good for you food is a primary staple of any proper PMSing woman's diet.  So I attacked chips, S'mores, trail mix and anything else available comprised of salt, sugar or both, with wild abandon.  And then wondered why I wasn't as skinny as the blonde bitch on the beach. 

The first day camping wasn't the worst.  The bloating hadn't yet set in and while I knew I wasn't exactly 'rocking' my bathing suit, it wasn't horrible. Days 2 and 3 brought considerable bloating courtesy of estrogen, Coors Light and Lays.  Given I refuse to buy and wear a one piece and instead remain committed to the oh-so-sexy 'tankini', my bloated belly really gave that thing a run for it's money.  Just knockin' the sexy factor through the roof. 

It was hot while we camped.  It stormed.  We spent a lot of time together hot, sweaty and sans TV.  Most of the time, it was great.  Other times I was known to bark out such gems as: "Clearly three days is too much!"  We camped for three days.  It's not too much unless you have short term Multiple Personality Disorder.

On the bright side, camping also means sitting by a fire every night and this in turn means you should drink every night.  Alcohol is known to alleviate of all symptoms PMS related.  I was quite a relaxed campfire girl in the evenings despite the hormonal siege I was under. 

I didn't have to deal with any of the super fun aspects of this special time of the month until we were home with super convenient indoor plumbing, so really I am grateful for that.  As we all know, bears smell 'it'.  If you don't get that reference, get a life and watch Anchorman.

So maybe after all, aside from abusing a bathing suit, PMSing while enjoying the Great Outdoors isn't a bad way to go.  I'm sure my husband will say the same given he got to spend this special time with me in a camper.  Come to think of it, it did seem as though he was smoking more than usual...I initially attributed that to us being outside (he's not allowed to smoke in the house) and so he was enjoying his freedom.  But in hindsight, maybe it more...never mind, I am a joy and a treasure all of the time, and I'm sure he'd say the same.

No comments:

Post a Comment